19 September 2010 27 Comments

About Betty

Very, very sadly, my Mum died two weeks ago. I didn’t feel comfortable blasting my grief across social media – but now it feels very odd not to confide in you brilliant, kind and witty people who’ve been such good company over the past couple of years.

If you’ve been through this,  you’ll know the wretchedness and childlike disbelief. You’ll understand how ridiculous  it seems that flowers she bought are only now starting to fade. The way I can’t sit in her kitchen and look at a plastic bucket or tin of shoe polish or the fruit cake she bought at the village fete two days before she died, without resenting the way they survive and she does not.

We’re a very close family and we’re doing our best to help each other. My lovely Dad, who met her sixty years ago, when he glanced up from the dance floor to the balcony of the Ritz ballroom in Manchester and spotted a pair of red shoes, has cried with us and shared his love, his memories and his agonies over the loss of someone he forever saw as that striking woman he walked  to Victoria Station to catch her last bus home.

I just wanted to let you know.

mum at kilworth house

27 Responses to “About Betty”

  1. Jan 19 September 2010 at 1:48 pm #

    Dear Maggie
    So sorry to read your sad news. We have laughed with you on the trips with mum and dad in car with you and your sister. I too lost my mother and the emptiness is unbearable but looming out for our dad has helped us get thru it all. Nothing anyone says can ease the hurt inside but please tryst me when I tell you that we as humans are programmer to cope and we do. May you all comfort each other and always support each other. Much love Janx

  2. @purplepaulne 19 September 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    So sorry to hear of your loss. My Mum died 7 years ago and Dad died this year.
    It’s horrible. I still think of them all the time
    and miss them. Unfortunately it is the way of the world. It would be so bad for them if we went first
    So we must take the pain.
    All my thoughts go to you and
    Your family.

  3. Paul Daniels 19 September 2010 at 1:51 pm #

    Lovely message Maggie. So sorry for your loss. Paul

  4. claire (claireatwaves) 19 September 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    Oh Maggie. What a lovely, joyous picture.

    Anything anyone can say is trite, except to say that we’ll be thinking of you.

    The hard bit is always getting back to a new normal.

    I don’t know if it helps, but I always think that death is the only thing certain in life, and when someone’s not with us any more we need to remind ourselves of that and resolve to live every day as if it could be taken away tomorrow

  5. Eddie 19 September 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    My heart goes out to you. So so sorry for your loss. xxx

  6. Dave Brooks 19 September 2010 at 1:55 pm #

    All our thoughts are with you at this very trying time.

  7. Clare 19 September 2010 at 1:56 pm #

    So sorry about your mam it’s a dreadful thing my mam died 8 years ago and today would have been her birthday it is a cliche but time is a great healer. My thoughts are with your dad you and your family

  8. Gavin / @dasilva_uj 19 September 2010 at 2:00 pm #

    *hug* Sorry to hear of your loss

  9. Jane Prinsep 19 September 2010 at 2:04 pm #

    Hi Maggie
    I am so sorry to hear of your news. I am very moved at your short but amazingly heartfelt message. Losing a parent is so tough. I lost my Dad at 12 years of age (I’m 36 now!) and not a day goes by when I don’t think of him somehow. He never met my kids obviously, and every day they do something new and amazing and I always feel sorrow when I think “he’ll never see that”.
    I wanted to take the time to comment because you helped me out a few weeks ago by publicising on Twitter a rather tough interview I did on rape recovery. Because you took the time, I was able to reach a lot more people, including survivors of recent onset. Not many people in the public eye would have done that and it might not have been much to you, but it meant a lot to many others.
    Proof indeed that your Mum must have been a very special lady indeed – she obviously did a great job in raising a wonderful daughter.
    The next few months I am sure will be tough, but I am so pleased that you have the closeness of your family (and your fans on Twitter etc) to help you though.
    With best regards
    Jane Prinsep x

  10. Stuart 19 September 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    What a moving post. You’ve done your parents proud in more ways than one.

  11. chris 19 September 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    can feel your pain. mine just died one Easter saturday morning about 5 years ago, with no warning. the pain doesn’t go, but nature ensures it is never too bad to bear and you get used to it. honest. the hole in your heart is only so that more joy can pour in, and slowly the hole is filled. thanks for sharing. the hugs you are getting from us will line the hole a bit. {{{}}}

  12. Zoe Kleinman 19 September 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    So sorry to hear your sad news, Maggie. Losing a parent is utterly heartbreaking – thinking of you xx

  13. Phillip thompson SBJS 19 September 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    so sorry i lost my mum after 10 years of caring for her. you just think of the nemories my love to you in this time of need . thinking of you Phill

  14. keV Williams 19 September 2010 at 2:31 pm #

    Maggie, so sorry to hear your sad news. My father died 18 years ago last Tuesday, and I still find myself thinking about him most days. We’re all thinking of you and are sharing our love at this sad time for you x

  15. Leila 19 September 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    So, so sorry to hear this, Maggie. I know how heartbreaking this is. Beautiful picture and post. Thinking of you at this terribly difficult time.

  16. James / @jamesmb 19 September 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    I’m so so sorry. :( My thoughts are with you all.

  17. Pauline 19 September 2010 at 2:46 pm #

    Dear Maggie, I have walked the path that you are on too many times in the past few years, first my dad, then my mum, then my husband. It is heartbreaking, and nothing prepares us for the aching void that we are left with. It takes time but gradually the pain eases and happy memories start to come back, and the warmth of their love never dies. Take time to adjust, slowly, to the new now. You have many people sending you love for the dark days. The sunshine will eventually start to return.

  18. Stevyn Colgan 19 September 2010 at 2:55 pm #

    So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my Dad when he was just 51 and I was 30. Time doesn’t totally heal all wounds but it does soften the blow and now all I can think about are the great times we had together. and that, I truly believe, is what he’d have wanted.Your Mum looks like she was a wonderful lady.

    Thoughts are with you and the family.

  19. janet trent 19 September 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    so sorry maggie can only echo what the others have said on your post, lost my mum 7 years ago an still miss her and i am 56. We buried her on what would have been their golden wedding day, as my dad wanted. Its true the saying time heals and although it wont dissapear the hurt will get less each day. Talk of her often and I know you will, share all your memories and keep her in your heart always. God bless and lots of hugs and best wishes to all the family.

  20. Steve Lawson 19 September 2010 at 4:08 pm #

    I’ve lost grandparents and friends, but I fear nothing is like losing a parent. Sounds like she was an amazing lady, much loved and with one heck of a legacy. Much love to you and the family at this time, Sx

  21. Susanne 19 September 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. She looks a wonderful person.

    Losing a parent is heartbreaking at any age. It’s such a deep wound but the wonderful memories help make it easier over time.

    Thinking about you and your family x

  22. Graham O'Mara 19 September 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    HI Maggie

    I can only relate from a position of losing a well loved grandma, so I can sort of understand how you feel.

    Your mum looks happy, and I am sure you made her proud every day, as also I am sure she made you proud also.

    I wish you the best


  23. Ashley 19 September 2010 at 11:43 pm #

    So sorry to hear of your loss Maggie.

  24. John Sandys 19 September 2010 at 11:52 pm #

    Maggie, So sorry to hear of your loss, I remember how I felt when my Mum died, there is nothing I can say to make your loss any more bearable, the way I got through it was to throw myself into my work.

    It hasn’t been a very good year for you, coming on top of the loss of your cat, this is the way these things happen sometimes, it doesn’t seem fair.

    I will be thinking of you in the coming days/months.

    Kind Regards John.

  25. Bill 19 September 2010 at 11:58 pm #

    Maggie, sorry to hear of your loss, but try to remember the good times and the full and wonderful life your mum had. Get the rest of the family together and talk about the fun times and cry tears of joy.
    The pain will ease as time passes, and we will all be here for you.


  26. mkayes 20 September 2010 at 6:36 am #

    Hi Maggie,

    I’m so sorry to hear of your mums passing. I’ve not lost a parent, but my dad lost his wife of 30 years recently so I have some idea of how difficult and emotional a time it is.

    If you need anything or even cheering up a bit just shout


  27. Philip 20 September 2010 at 11:21 am #

    So sorry to hear of your loss